Steal like an Artist (NSFW)

PICASSO

Happy Monday!

Sometimes I get ideas.  Some are kinda strange whilst others are largely ambitious (okay, MOST of my ideas are largely ambitious) and sometimes I get ideas as if they were placed in my head rather than being an original idea of my own, when this happens my friend likes to say that “thoughts are falling from the sky”.  I had one of these ideas a few months ago, it was a few episode pitches for the show It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. For those of you who are not aware of the premise of this 12 season behemoth (how?) it can be summed up in one sentence “What if you had 4 immature narcissist sociopaths own and run a bar in Philadelphia.”  The results are, as those who are familiar with the show, hilarious and extremely not safe for work.  

What’s to follow is probably the most vulgar and/or NSFW content I’ve posted here on OBOP but I just finished my 12th notebook(1) and looking back I ran across these and realised that with my experience with screenwriting (none) and experience level (I don’t wanna talk about it) that I’ve probably exhausted my ability to see these ideas to fruition.  However the reason I’m sharing these ideas is because I really hope that someone steals these ideas and makes these episodes happen.  Probably won’t work out that way, but these made me laugh.  

**WARNING: NSFW CONTENT BELOW** 

 

I have three episode pitches which I’ll present in order of strongest/most filled out to least.  I’m going to risk the wrath of reddit and post these on /r/redditwritessunny but if you like them, please come show support with an upvote and/or comment.

The link to my reddit submission: [COLD OPEN] “The Gang Rides the #PenisPedal”

“The Gang Rides the #PenisPedal”

(open: paddy’s pub, the entire gang chatting on; mac busts in, mac’s face is glowing, his complexion looks very healthy)

Denis: Mac, your complexion looks incredible! What are you doing?

Mac: I read this study that anal stimulation is really great for the skin, that’s why I’ve patented “The Penis Pedal” NOTE: the Penis Pedal is the Ass Pounder 4000 just renamed(2)

(Mac puts on commercial he’s made demonstrating his use of the PP, penis pedal)

All: Woah!!

(all at same time, overlapping, Mac turns it off looking confused)

Dee: Gross
Denis: Come on man.
Frank: This has potential.
Charlie: Ahh why??


Mac: Guys, don’t you see? This is the perfect product, it’s fun and good for skin care. What do women love? Good skin and sex.  Who knows women best?

Dee: …women?.

Mac: (to dee) WRONG! (to rest of gang) Gay men.  

Dennis: You guys, I think Mac might actually have a point here.  Look at how many gay men are doing make-up tutorials and how many fashion designers are male (insert examples).  [to Mac] Yea, I think you might be onto something.  Not that I’d ever try, what you’re now calling, the “Penis Pedal” but it’s clever people do like a good alliteration. We’re gonna need an ad campaign and that requires money.

Frank: I’m in.  

Dennis: (to Mac, smug smile) Well that was easy.  


Dee: What? Why?

Frank: We used to do all kinds of weird shit in the 70’s.  In fact this is pretty tame compared to this new thing Artemis has been doing where she rubs mayonnaise on her knuckles…

Dennis: Woah! Frank, just stop.  No one wants to hear about the gross food and dumpster sex you and Artemis but I’m interested to see where this Penis Pedal thing goes. However I’ll never ride on that thing.

Dee, Charlie, Frank: (all in unison, jabbering over each other in general agreement)

Dee: I want nothing to do with this whole thing (tries to mention how she has an “acting gig” [actually cam-girl site/“casting couch” scam]);

Charlie: That won’t ever work guys. C’mon. Now excuse me, I’m off to eat catfood and take a nap”;

Frank: I’ve done stranger stuff.

(Title card: “The Gang Rides the #PenisPedal”)

Order in which the gang rides the Penis Pedal: Mac, Dennis, Charlie, Frank, Dee

A-Story (Denis, Mac, Frank, Artemis):
Dennis, Mac, and Frank work together to put together an ad campaign to sell the PP
Mac has an idea for an “accessory” which are “wipes” (depending on how joke is presented, could be facial wipes but also in reference to wiping down the bike/dildo after use) which leads into the “wipe down” joke (Mac says something like “I always wipe down after a session, Mac means he “wipes his face down” [the facial pads he’s using are actually what’s working, they later find], this can lead to a “I thought you wiped down last? Joke at the end)
Frank goes “off to find sponsors” (sex with artemis, maybe try to get her to make commercial for PP) whilst Mac & Dennis (re introduce “Vinegar & Honey” team) try to “demo” the product to health stores/make-up kiosks in mall
-the mall demo “failure” leads Mac to conclude that the reason was because Vinegar is sold (he uses the product) but Honey (Dennis) can’t be effective at marketing unless he can testify to the product’s use…(callback to season 1 episode where Dennis drunkenly slept with a few dudes “probably not the first time you’ve had something up your butt, dude”)
Dennis ends up using the PP in private “BUT IT DOESN’T MAKE ME GAY (FOR LIKING IT?)” (first of one of scenes, each character will have a scene where they’re facing the camera, partly clothed, leaning on the handlebars of the bike [not explicit], and making faces and noises reacting to the “effectiveness” of the PP)

B-Stories (Dee, Charlie, Cricket):

Charlie is on a strange psychedelic trip with Cricket because Charlie and Frank were supposed to spend the day together and Charlie is still avoiding The Waitress (cricket “rediscovers” religion, but it’s psychedelic fueled “spirituality”), Cricket helps Charlie explore “the true meaning of his dreams”
-in Charlie and Cricket’s tripp, they end up riding the Penis Pedal (Charlie misunderstands it as Vorm Hat, from “Charlie Kelly: king of the rats”, turing into a worm with different hats who wants to help him with his “denim chicken”)

A-Story:

Frank has a scene where he’s on the bike leaning on the handlebars, where he’s grunting and groaning then is like “ooh…ohh yea that feels good like in the same way taking a poop does” (pan out a bit to reveal Artemis standing behind Frank)
Artemis: Gross! Frank, you just pooped on the Penis Pedal!
(Frank looks about) Frank: Aww geeze, okay let’s just get the most of it up and get the hell out of here.  
B-story:
Dee is nervous about her “web cam casting call” interview and considers using the Penis Pedal to help her complexion “look the best it can”

Dee decides against it but does tape in the same room with the PP in background (why is she in same room with PP doing webcam (“casting couch”) show?/how is the PP in the same room as the show she’s doing her web cam (“casting couch”) show in?/where is she doing the webcam (“casting couch”) show? Her’s or Mac and Dennis’s)
(if web cam show) they want want to see “how it works” (she explains how it’s great for cosmetics? Tries to turn it into a commercial?) (if “casting couch”) mac and dennis managed to sell one to a “cosmetics” company (they do cosmetics for porn stars) who does the stuff for “casting couch”) and they want her to try it out, she goes on all riff (trying to play a role/set a scene, going with commercial aspect) about how great it is for the skin (the guys are just smiling and video taping), they post the videotape with the hash-tag “#PenisPedal” video goes viral under the hashtag #PenisPedal
A + B Stories:

-once the video of dee starts trending, mac and dennis get offers for the penis pedal but from porn companies

Dee realises it was a porn show and tries to cover it up

Dennis has videotapes of all the gang using the PP (he set up a camera system around his and Mac’s apartment) and reveals the tapes when Charlie comes on set freaking out about something (prompting the gang watch the cameras to see what actually happened to charlie).  About now people’s phones start going off about the #PenisPedal (Dennis and Mac’s product is trending) they all laugh at Dee, except Dennis who now realises he is about to review tapes and doesn’t want anyone knowing he rode the penis pedal ESPECIALLY now that everyone has.  

-As the gang reviews the footage, not only do they realise no one has used a condom (Dennis did, the only time he uses a condom joke) or wiped down the machine but Frank crapped on it and now Dee has a UTI.  

 

Ending: The gang agrees to “destroy the tapes” (Dennis has a secret back up because it’s Dennis, this can be brought up again in future episodes) and “let’s never talk about this again” (there must be at least a few more episodes where they talk about it again, maybe other people end up with copies of the tapes or get penis pedals or ride the one the gang has; McPoyles? ponderosa? The Waitress? Cricket? The Lawyer?)

 

“The Gang Makes America Great Again”


A-stories (Mac, Dee, Dennis):

Mac: The group Mac joins an “america first” nationalist/fascist group but mac doesn’t know it’s a anti-gay/homophic group

Dee and Dennis: join an anti-fascist group (Dee because she’s liberal, Dennis because the anti-fascist girls are “younger and hotter”) which turns into domestic terrorists/fascists (they want to keep people from speaking against their message; extreme left)

B-Story (Charlie, Frank, Ben):

Charlie and Frank: They’re choosing to “make america great again” by opening up a
“bicycle repair” for the veterans but they only Veteran they know is Ben (who is crippled, cannot use a bicycle) so they instead open up a wheelchair service where they will “buy, trade, sell” wheelchairs, parts and accessories (it turns out frank was stealing new wheelchairs from hospitals because “they get a write off for that kind of thing” and Charlie: has been leaving “used” wheelchairs at the same hospital frank has been stealing from because Charlie figures that they have wheelchair mechanics, leave it there long enough and they’ll like find these chairs and re-use them and it’s like giving back to the community.

 

Ending: ?????? I have no idea how to explode this in the funniest way…halp…

 

“Pizza and Anal: Mac becomes a T-Shirt Model”  

A-stories (Mac and Dennis; Dee, Charlie, and The Waitress):

Mac: is hired to model (mostly pride) t-shirts, one being “pizza and anal”
Dennis: Jealous because he wants to be a model too and tries to get Mac to get him a job as a model (Dennis doesn’t know it’s a pride company) and generally supports this “anal thing”. Mac gets Dennis job, Dennis is doing it for the ladies but finds out it’s a bunch of gay men.

Dee and Charlie: are not into the “anal thing”, Dee because “it’s shirts like that that perpetuate a ‘patriarchal androcentric ideology centered around the man’s pleasure in sex pressuring women to do things they don’t enjoy for his pleasure” and Charlie is having issue because The Waitress wants Charlie to fuck her in the ass really bad and he’s not into it. Dee and Charlie debate about whether Charlie can actually be a feminist even though he’s a guy. Dee argues with The Waitress that shouldn’t Charlie have to do things he doesn’t want to for her pleasure to get “even”

B-story (Frank and Artemis):

Frank: Frank and Artemis are bored in bed and want to try new things and the “Pizza and Anal” is a good start but elevates into scat play. 

 

Hope you enjoyed some of these and if you want to steal these ideas, do it. If you have suggestions, please leave a comment.  If you thought these were funny, share  them with your friends who watch Sunny.

Tune in Friday for another funny.

-fin

 

Sidenotes:

  1. It’s my 12th notebook which the previous 11 have all been “general/catchall journals” however this one in particular, Leviathan (I name my notebooks), was the first of it’s kind because after finishing journal 11 I started 4 new journals: a sketchbook (Jedi), a journal (Artemis), a notebook devoted just to “The Big River Chronicles” (NG&OS notes vol. V), and a “spillover” notebook or a place for all the notes, ideas, and thoughts that don’t quite have a place anywhere else (Leviathan).  This is also about the time I began making an inter and intra notebook reference system with call numbers and everything.  Sometimes I feel like I’m taking extra crazy pills.   
  2. The Ass Pounder 4000 clip https://youtu.be/MEuMmaUi50I
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